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Throw it In

By Jadestar

 

Staring at my feet. A lot closer to my face than usual. Where am I? That's right, I'm sitting on the ground, leaning against a wall. Cold ground. Cold wall. It's late. Past my old bedtime, I guess. I'm not tired, but I want to sleep. I just want to sleep forever and ever and ever and ever, cause that sounds like a better deal than what I have left.

What do I have left? What DO I have left? Nothing. As soon as I'm found I'll die. Nothing. My family has gone. Nothing. My home is lying in bits and pieces all along my old street. Nothing. I'm hungry. Nothing. My last friend has to kill me. Nothing.

Nowhere to go, nothing to lose, nothing to gain. Nothing, nothing, nothing... I don't like nothing. I like something. Crave, want, need something.

To go back... Could go back... Could die, but could go back...

Curling up further, clothes getting too small. Steal some more, maybe? No. Don't steal food, won't grow, won't grow, won't need to steal clothes, can keep old clothes that I got... My clothes, MINE.

It's all in logical thinking. Or is that lateral? I forget. The point is, that the something I have is the very thing that I have nothing to go with. My life.

No! Wait! My comb! Pulling it out of my pocket. It's still red, only a little bit bent in spots. Running it through my hair. Crackle-crackle-crackle-crackle. Watching the little sparks of light come and go. Pretty... so pretty...

YEOW! Too much pretty. Zapped myself. Silly boy. Silly, silly, silly, silly, silly, silly...

Comb a bit harder, and I could kill myself. I wonder what that would feel like? It might hurt for a second, but I think after that it would stop. I think...

Crackle-crackle-crackle. Crackle-crackle-crackle.

Hello comb, my mum brought you for me... Yes she did... A long time ago... She was pretty, my mum. She was very small. My daddy was tall. But you know that, cause you saw them too, didn't you? Didn't you? Yes you did, oh, yes you did...

Feel like I'm talking to Lander... Poor fel... I miss Lander too. He was so nice and fat and pudgy, and he sat on my lap all the time... Mummy's pet...

I was her FAVOURITE pet though.

"Dammit!"

What's the point? There is no point. No point. So it doesn't matter what I do.

And if I go back, I can do something... Show them they need me. Maybe there will be a point then.

A point... a point without them... It seems impossible. It'd be like giving up. An unfaithful son.

I've been letting a lot of people down lately.

Standing. Was it always going to be this easy? To just suddenly go back? To... go home?

So I'm going...

I'm going...

Going...

Maybe everything is simple when you just don't care.

 

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